IT’S been almost two years since Star and I were diagnosed with a bleeding disorder. So much has changed since then. I have learned to conquer my fears. Not overnight, for sure. I keep on reminding myself to take it one bleed at a time.
Knowing the “enemy” made a whole lot of difference. I liken it to what Sun Tzu said in the Art of War: “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.”
I have learned to trust in God’s Divine Wisdom. To let go and let God. To allow Him to fulfill what He intends for us to do. God is our Divine Healer. In the midst of bleeds, I have seen His grace. And if it is part of His will that we go through this affliction, with all my heart, I am embracing it.
Sometimes though, afflictions can make people numb. Some either become so used to the challenging circumstances or they become so consumed by it that they lose focus on the real thing — the deeper purpose for the journey.
I have been praying for healing, especially for Star. Our family and friends pray for her, too. I believe in my heart that God will stop her bleeds one day. In His time. If there is a greater purpose for the delay in God’s answer, I remain grateful to Him because my faith tells me that He is always in control of everything. His timing is always perfect.
This year, Star bleeds more frequently than in the past years. We have been observing big blood clots coming out of her nose. Even when she vomits, we would see big blood clots.
It made me think – maybe they are just God’s way of reminding me to re-focus on why He has allowed this affliction in our family.
Star’s condition has kept my feet on the ground. We are not masters of our lives. We are merely God’s instruments. Difficulties are His tools to sharpen and strengthen His vessels.
And so like King David in the Bible, I say, it was good for us to be afflicted. ###